My Old Self Acting Up

Heh, sorry, this post is more like a journal entry.

I hate being physically weak and getting motion sick. It's easy to compare myself with others, and it makes me feel utterly useless and incapable, especially to be used by God. It even comes to a point where I feel like I'm dragging people down with me and wasting their time and energy when they take care of me. I know it's not true to some degree. I never felt that way in all the years I've taken care of my mom, but that's because she's my mom. I can't expect other people to take care of me.

When my mom took care of me the night I got carsick on the way back from my friend's graduation, I almost cried and wanted to throw a tantrum. How am I going to survive 10+ hours on the plane? I don't want to feel like this again. I don't want to throw up till my sides hurt from all the contraction. I don't know how to position my head or if I should open or close my eyes to "lessen" the dizziness. Why can't I be normal and enjoy the ride like most other people? I'm sick of myself. Ugh, I really have to jump into God's hands on this one and ask Him to drive out this fear.

OK OK, get past my pessimistic side and start reflecting. Have I been taking care of my health lately? Have I been praying about it? Find self value in God. Satan shouldn't have victory in his attacks. I am weak, but Daddy is strong. Trust and chill. How will I grow if I can't even accept a little suffering? Have I not learned anything from reading Twelve Ordinary Men? Don't let physical discomfort overshadow the great work that God has called us to. Am I not even willing to suffer a little for my Christ? God, please forgive me and strengthen me.

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." -Romans 8:18
"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me- the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace." -Acts 20:24
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

To end on a lighter note, I'm going to try out Bonine again and see how long I sleep and how much I should take so I won't wake up in the middle of the flight and throw up like last year or get too drowsy when I get off the plane. Can't really have the guys carry me off the plane like Rocio suggested!